Scattered Dreams
by xXxcutupangelxXx
Summary: N x White fanfic b You were my dream, it was you all along
1. Chapter 1

**

PleaseI want to see youone last time

**

I awoke to the sunlight streaming in softly. Slowly dimming. Sunset.

I got up, looking towards the open sky. It seemed to go on forever. I reached out, touching the air. My hand grasped nothing.

I reached into my bag and pulled out a poke ball. I released my Serperior in a flash of red light and he curled around me. The color of his bright green skin was comforting. Like sweet spring grass.

**

N, where are you?

**

I could see clouds passing by through the cracked castle wall. Rubble was strewn all around me. The remains of Team Plasmas castle that was destroyed in my battle. The one that ended Ns dream of liberating pokemon and in turn made him leave me.

Serperior gazed at me protectively with his luminescent red eyes. He knew I wasnt okay. I trembled brushing tears from my eyes. Tears I wouldnt let myself cry in front of N.

Night fell upon us and I could not bring myself to get up. I held Serperior close and turned my attention to the stars.

_How disappointing. I actually kind of liked you a little, N said with sincerity in his eyes._

_At those words I was speechless. I didnt know someone like N who only cared about pokemon could possibly like me. I wanted it to be true more than anything._

_Through our many battles, I got the feeling that you might be a trainer who truly cares for pokemon!_

_I do N, believe me, I pleaded. I wanted him to realize that we had that in common. Our love for pokemon was more important than our different beliefs._

_He shook his head sadly, glancing away from me._

_But I was only kidding myself. The idea of trainers getting to know each other through battles is ridiculous!_

_My heart lurched forward splitting open. I had thought we had become closer through our battles but more than anything getting to know him in the least had meat a lot to me. I didnt feel like I was his enemy. Id much rather be his friend._

_Then N challenged me to a battle that was inevitable. I knew it was coming and I was certain of what I must do. I had to save the bond between people and pokemon. The world was more important than my feeling for N. I struggled to stay true to my resolve._

_Reshiram come to me!_

_Ns beautiful white dragon flew towards him, its blue eyes gleaming. Just then my bag started shaking and the Dark Stone floated above me._

_Your Dark Stone isI mean Zekrom is_

_I gasped in awe as it began to glow. Maybe Zekrom had chosen me after all._

_Reshiram and ZekromThey were once life. One pokemon. Complete opposites, yet the same. Reshiram and Zekrom are pokemon that appear before the hero they recognize. AhI see. You really are a hero, too._

_He looked at me with admiration. I blushed a little looking away from his heart stopping green eyes. Zekrom appeared in a flash of blue light. A stunning black dragon stood before me. It gazed at me in anticipation. I approached it in awe. I felt as though Zekrom radiated truth and it only strengthened my determination to fight for what was right. How would it all turn out in the end? t_

_Ill tell you what that pokemon is saying to you. I glanced back at N, my heart sinking. I wished he could see past his ideals and realize that people belong with pokemon. I didnt want to fight him._

_I want to battle with you. Try to make me your friend and ally._

_I looked up at Zekrom. It seemed to be saying just that._

_It plans to test you to see if you really are pursuing ideals. I also, am curious to see how powerful you are. Now catch Zekrom and make it your ally!, N encouraged me._

_I bravely stepped in front of the dragon pokemon as if charged by an electric current._

_Get ready! Go after it! Zekrom will bare its fangs at people who fail to follow their ideals, N said as I hesitated for a moment. I threw a master ball, not wanting to hurt my new friend. I caught Zekrom immediately, it was as if it was meant to be._

_AhI see. Zekrom, who is said to lend its power to the hero who searches for truth, has recognized your power and now agrees to stand by your side_

_Now we had to battle. N looked deep in thought. I couldve been imagining it but it seemed like he didnt want to fight me either._

_I gave him a sympathetic smile. This is it, I said. I couldnt back out now even if we both had our doubts. My love didnt matter when it came to the world._

_I threw out my first poke ball that held Zekrom. In that moment everything was black and white. I could only focus on winning and fighting for what I believed in. I could see that N was just as determined. When it came down to it we were on opposite sides._

_Electricity and fire struck each other. The battle was beautiful as much as it was heartbreaking to me. In the end I was victorious leaving N at a loss._

_Everythings ruined. The truth I heldthe dreams pokemon shared_

_I wanted to comfort him but I knew I couldnt. This was my fault. I had one but somehow it didnt feel like a victory._

_Reshiram and I were beaten. Your idealsYour feelingsThey were stronger than mine, it seems_

_N looked at me as if searching for an answer. I hated seeing him broken like that, his tea green eyes glistening filled with shattered innocence but there was nothing I could do. This just wasnt right!_

_Zekrom and Reshirameach of them choosing a different heroIs that even possible? Two heroes living at the same time-one that pursues ideals and one that pursues truth. Couldcould they both be right? I dont know. Its not by rejecting different ideas, but by accepting different ideas that the creates a chemical reaction. That is truly the formula for changing the world_

_I had never heard anything more true or beautiful. Maybe N could change. I hoped that anything was possible._

_Right then Ghetsis came in. A surge of hate overcame me. He walked up to N and shoved him. Hard._

_After all that, do you think youre still worthy of sharing the name Harmonia with me? You good for nothing boy!_

_I wished I could take away all the pain I saw flash across Ns face right then. It was obvious that Ghetsis had never loved him or anyone for that matter._

_The more Ghetsis talked, the more I began to understand exactly what N had been through._

_You are nothing more than a warped, defective boy who knows nothing but pokemon!_

_I suppressed my urge to cry. With Alder and Cheren beside me I stood to face the man I despised. I had to defeat him and it was for more than my own beliefs._

_White!, N quickly healed my pokemon for me. He was so kind how could anyone treat him like that?_

_With all my built up rage I pummeled Ghetsiss team to the ground. My anger filled my every command. He was no match for my sudden passion to destroy him._

_My calculationsNo! My careful schemes! The world should be mine! Ghetsis yelled in disbelief._

_I stood in fury, glaring at him, Zekroms poke ball clutched firmly in my hand._

_What? I created Team Plasma with my own hands. Im absolutely perfect! I am perfection! I am the perfect ruler of a perfect new world!_

_Ignoring Ghetsis, Alder turned to N who was still lost in thought, his tea green hair hanging over his eyes._

_Now NDo you still think pokemon and people should be separated?_

_Mwahahaha!, Ghetsis cut in, Since I couldnt become a hero and obtain the legendary pokemon myselfI prepared someone for that purpose-N! Hes nothing more than a freak without a human heart. Do you think youre going to get through to someone like that?_

_I thought Ns heart was more pure than anyone I had ever met. I really had come to love him. If anyone would get through to him it would be me._

_Ghetsis was ignored again._

_NIm sure you have a lot to think about, Alder said knowingly, Your heart was truly inspired thats why you were able to meet the legendary pokemon._

_ButI have no right to be the hero._

_Youre much more than that to me, I thought._

_Is that so?, Alder said. What you and the legendary pokemon are going to do from now onThats important, wouldnt you say?_

_N considered this and shook his head. Acting like you understandUp until now, weve been fighting each other over our beliefs! Yet despite thatWhy?_

_N, even if we dont understand each other, thats not a reason to reject each other. There are two sides of any argument. Is there one point of view that has all the answers? Give it some thought._

_With that the Champion left and Cheren followed, leaving me alone with N once again. This couldnt be goodbye. I didnt want this to be the last time I would see him but what could I say to make him stay?_

_Panic began to rise in my chest only to soften when I heard his voice._

_White, I want to talk to you about something._

_We began t walk down the long purple path together. It felt like a dream just me and him. All the struggles were over._

_Its about when I first met you in Accumula Town. I was shocked when I heard what your pokemon was saying._

_I looked up at him, my eyes transfixed hanging onto every word, my heart beating faster than ever._

_I was shocked because that pokemon said it liked you. It said it wanted to be with you._

_We were so close right now yet I wanted to be even closer._

_I couldnt understand it, I couldnt believe there were pokemon that liked people. Because up until that moment, Id never known a pokemon like that._

_He looked away for a moment and I knew I had given him a chance to see the truth for the first time. He held me in his gaze. Everything was spinning._

_The longer my journey continued, the more unsure I became. All I kept meeting were pokemon and people who communicated with one another and helped one another. That was why I needed to confirm my beliefs by battling with you. I needed that more than anything._

_Everything stopped. N was done explaining things to me and it felt like at any moment he would slip away._

_The Champion has forgiven me andwhat I should do now is something Ill to have to decide for myself._

_I couldnt find my voice. As he sent out Reshiram and we faced the open sky there was nothing left to say only I didnt want him to leave!_

_White! You said you have a dreamThat dreamMake it come true! Wonderful dreams and ideals give you the power to change the world. If anyone can its you, White._

_I could feel everything rupturing inside me as I held back my tears._

_**

But you were my dream, it was you all along.

**

****Well thenFarewell!

N smiled at me but I could see regret and loss behind it. He turned to leave, going to meet Reshiram. I reached out and went after him in my last moment of desperation.

Wait!, I cried, my hat falling to the ground. I grasped his hand in that fleeting second holding onto the one person I never wanted to let go of. Dont leave.

My breath caught in my throat as he turned to face me. My shoulders trembled as I tried to keep myself from falling apart.

White?

I looked down. I couldnt look into his eyes and show the hysteria in mine.

What do you mean, he asked me gently.

I mean I dont want you to go! I sobbed. I couldnt contain myself any longer. I flung my arms around him with my face buried in his chest.

He held me carefully, stroking my hair. You know I have to go and find my own dream.

I nodded my muffled answer. Its just ever since we met I always wanted to see you again I said hiding my tears. I wanted to know more about you thats why Ive always followed you.

You know every thing about me now, what more could you want with me?, he asked in confusion.

I-I want to be with you because I- I stumbled over the words, looking up at him. My eyes welled up. My lip trembled. I couldnt say it.

White?, N asked hesitantly.

Ill miss you.

I felt like he was looking into my soul with his deep green eyes, seeing what Id been trying to show all along.

He cupped my face with sweet affection. I felt my eyes closing as he kissed me and our worlds melted together. It was soft and passionate at the same time. Shivers went down my spine. I wanted to hold onto this moment forever.

White, I have to go find the answers by myself. I want to know what my purpose is in life. Maybe Ill come back someday. I want you to forget about me and follow your dream.

Sooner than I could breathe he was turning away. My knees were weak and I was faint with the lightest feeling. My vision faded as I saw him fly away into the distance.

**

I love you.

**

I had tried to say it but he never heard me. I collapsed onto the floor, the sky disappearing.

_

__Ever since I had met N I had always known where I wanted to go. My life had had a direction. I had always been going after something, my dreams put together. Now that he was gone my dreams were scattered and I didnt know what I wanted anymore. Only him and he was far away, out of reach.

**__**_

**I have to find you somehow.**

_


	2. Chapter 2

**

I want to go back to that place where I thought I could be with you forever.

**

****N wasnt coming back for me, I knew that much. If I ever wanted to see him again I would have to look for him by myself. I had fallen in love with him on my own and no one could help me show him that. This journey didnt involve the fate of the world. It was only me following my one desire, to be with N again.

Maybe if I retrace my steps, Ill find the answer that I missed along the way. Then Ill know what to do I thought.

Lets go Zekrom, I said to the black dragon standing before me. Its fiery eyes were filled with determination. I knew my new friend would take me where ever I wanted to go.

Take me to Castelia City, I said holding on as we soared into the endless sky.

When I arrived I was immersed in the maze of sky scrapers reaching high into the heavens. The glass windows shimmered with sunlight. Many people rushed past me saying various things that were just a murmur to my ears.

Thinking it would be conspicuous to walk around with a legendary pokemon, I had returned Zekrom to the poke ball. I was all alone in a blur of faces I didnt recognize. Being surrounded by so many people, yet I felt empty. There was only one person in the world I wanted to see. The sun couldnt warm my heart like N could.

Castelia City was said to be a place where anyone could pass you by. I scoured the crowd eagerly awaiting. Every once in while I would catch a glimpse of something green only to have it flash by leaving me disheartened. I would imagine him everywhere I looked but it was only wishful thinking.

By the end of the day, my hopes of finding N in Castelia City were gone. I wandered down the alleyway, checking my C-gear. I hadnt contacted my friends or family since I battled N in Team Plasmas castle.

I sighed heading towards the pier. Bianca and Cheren were probably waiting for me to tell them what had happened or wanting to battle. I didnt feel like talking to anyone about that and I didnt want to go back home.

They could wait, I thought. I couldnt wait for N, I needed him now.

I faced the wind at the waters edge. The pier was deserted, no one roamed the streets anymore. Night had fallen upon the city. I gazed into the waters surface rippling below me, just like before.

_N had said we would be friends but when would I see him again, I wondered._

_It was my first time in Castelia City. The sights were amazing to me. I had never seen a building touch the sky before. Tonight they were illuminated by a kaleidoscope of bright lights._

_I had seen him just yesterday, how could I miss him already?_

_I found myself on a pier. A soft glow reflected upon the water. I looked down into the swirling depths that seemed to mirror my heart. It was overflowing with things Ive never felt before, a longing unknown to me. I heard footsteps coming closer behind me, I didnt turn around._

_I was lost in thought, staring at the reflection of the moon, when I heard a familiar voice._

_White. he said my name softly._

_My heart skipped a beat. His teas green hair fell gently over my shoulder. A sweet sensation swept through me. My face broke into a blissful smile. I knew it was N, he didnt even have to say anything and I knew he was there._

_What do you see?_

_I felt his hands cover my eyes, almost caressing my face. Id never been touched this way before._

_I, I said in wonder, lost in the moment._

_He tilted my head up, towards the sky. I hadnt bothered to really look at it, I had been too caught up in my thoughts._

_Open your eyes, he said brushing away the tears that were beginning to slide down my cheek._

_The stars glimmered together, all connecting in rhythm. Flickering in a dance. The moon shone above, covering us with a soothing light. It was beauty that I had never known. The sky was so open and free. I felt like I was flying, higher than the stars, looking above to something more._

_Theres much more to the world than you think._

_He held me as we watched the ever changing night, my head under his chin. Somehow it was natural, everything felt right to me._

_Its beautiful, I said in awe, I was seeing things I had failed to see my entire life. Had my eyes been shut the whole time?_

_For everything to be together in harmonythats what I want the future to be, N said, his arms around me._

_I would like to see that, I said grabbing his hand and smiling up at him, with you._

_I noticed a Zorua perched on his hat. He always had his pokemon out of their poke balls. The little fox pokemon looked really happy. I could tell it loved him._

_Rua! Rua!, the fury, black and red fox nudged him affectionately._

_We stayed like that for a while into the night. It was as if we were the only ones in the world. It was as simple as this, being together. I felt changed in the most wonderful way._

If only I could have held onto that. Back when things were simple, the answers right in front of me. I glanced around but I already knew he wasnt going to be here tonight.

I had released Zekrom and its eyes were swimming with emotion, gazing into the distance.

You miss Reshiram too, I said knowing the answer.

Dont you, Zekrom?

Zekrom cried into the sky. A sorrowful sound of yearning.

We both searched the night sky. The stars were still there, glowing bright. Sure you could call it beautiful but

**

The sky isnt as beautiful without you around.

**


	3. Chapter 3

**

Once two people understand one another, they are close even when theyre far apart.

**

****Had I really understood N, I wondered. If he had really understood me, he wouldve seen that I love him. Then why did he leave me, telling me to forget him. I wanted him to want me, just as much as I longed for him. There was nothing I wouldnt do but if he refused me then I was lost.

Would my dreams always be scattered, trying to reach N wherever he was?

I couldnt believe that he didnt care about me, that would destroy me. I could not bring myself to give up on love. My passion only got stronger the more we were apart. If only I could close the gap between our hearts. Then I would be complete, my dream fulfilled.

I found myself in Nimbasa City, the cold air chilling me as I shivered. I released Musharna and the pink pokemon greeted me by playfully nudging my face. I smiled half heartedly into my friend. She was always sweet to me, trying to cheer me up. I remembered all the nightmares she had taken away from me these past few months.

When Musha hadnt been watching over me sleep I had the worst dreams. They were all in fear of losing N forever, never finding him. As if he had disappeared completely, erased from the world. I was the only one who remembered him, always missing him knowing he was gone.

I would wake up in hysterics, bawling into Musha as she took the pain away. Eventually I could not sleep without her.

Another night in Nimbasa and this time I was headed towards the ferris wheel. After searching Unova for N, I had become hopeless returning to the same places, waiting for a miracle. I had avoided the ferris wheel, not wanting to tear up at the memories it brought back.

Tonight I wanted to remember him. I didnt want to lose my memories while they felt like they were more evanescent each day. After all, they were all I had left.

Multicolored lights streamed into my sight as I walked under the arch to the amusement park, Musha floating beside me. I watched people happily enjoy themselves. Careless and free, the way I would be if I were with N.

A girl asked me if I wanted to ride the ferris wheel with her but I refused. I would not ride the ferris wheel with anyone else. She looked taken aback but let me pass, I needed to be alone.

As soon as I got on I put my hand against the glass, looking towards the sky as I often did. There was always a glimmer of what you could call hope in my eyes in that instant. I remembered how I used to be afraid of heights.

Much has changed with N gone. I feel different, apathetic.

_Nimbasa City was so fun and exciting. The bright lights illuminated my smile as I thought of meeting N again in this place. Munna had been in a musical today and now we were heading towards the many voices inside the amusement park. The ferris wheel circled above us, not too far away. My heart was full of anticipation._

_I had run into Team Plasma earlier today when I first arrived in Nimbasa but they were of no concern to me. I just wanted to see N again. I was sure he would show up._

_Those green eyes that made my hear soar and dive into oblivion. Being with him only for a moment felt like heaven to me. I sat near a flower bed, pinks and blues all around me, in a daze._

_I wandered over to the pikachu across the path. They werent seen in the wild here in Unova. I wondered why it was there._

_Munna nudged me gently, Munna! Munna!_

_I looked up to see N hovering above me. Lights reflected in his eyes, glistening. I melted in his gaze._

_Youre looking for Team Plasma, right? he asked me._

_I was still smiling softly, struck by the spell he always seemed to cast on me. I wanted to happily jump into his arms but something stopped me. N looked tense, like he was holding back something._

_He turned to me, his expression softening, Lets ride the ferris wheel together, maybe well spot them._

_Okay, I said my eyes swimming with affection. I would get to be alone with him again. He took my hand and I forgot my fear of heights._

_Leading me down the path, N gently held my hand entwined with his. It was so simple and sweet. I couldnt of asked for anything more than this._

_With stars sparkling above, the ferris wheel aglow, we went in together._

_I love ferris wheelsthe circular motionthe mechanicstheyre like a collection of elegant formulas, N said admiring the view._

_I leaned into his voice, loving the way he made everything sound beautiful. We were very close. He was still holding my hand._

_He let go, looking me straight in the eyes. It was as if the next moment could change everything. I could feel the tension in the air as we came to a stop at the top of the ferris wheel._

_White, I have to tell you something._

_Yes?_

_Im the king of Team Plasma, He said, his eyes pleading for me to understand._

_This couldnt be but it was. My heart hammered against my chest. I was supposed to oppose Team Plasma. Would I have t o choose between N and my pokemon?_

_Suddenly I was aware of the distance between us. His hand no longer held mine, reassuring me. We were high above, ready to fall at any moment._

_Panic rose throughout me. What if we were to crash down, coming unhinged. What if this changed the friendship we were forming?_

_I wanted N to fill every empty space in my life, I wanted to mean something to him. He made me feel alive in ways Id never felt before. But his ideals did not match mine. I looked at N, then through the glass at the distance far below and stopped breathing._

_White, Im sorry please, he looked at me with innocent green eyes that made my heart cry. Dont hate me._

_No I couldnt, I, I looked down, I like you a lot. That wont ever change._

_I dont want to be your enemy but I have to save pokemon I need to change the future._

_Just then the ferris wheel jolted and I realized my hands were clenched and I was shaking. If we fell I could lose everything I held dear._

_It shook again, I imagined the cable snapping._

_N! I cried and fell against him. He seemed startled, blushing a little._

_Im scared, I whimpered forgetting all about Team Plasma._

_Its okay White, Im here, he said gently cradling me in his lap and I believed him._

_I clung to N, embarrassed as color rose to my cheeks. We were so close I could hear his heart beating. I relaxed and smiled looking at thousands of stars. It was as if we were flying in the sky. I wasnt afraid anymore._

_It doesnt matter whose right or wrong, not now, I said dreamily._

_The ferris wheel lurched again. I was falling until our lips met in a collision of static electricity. Unexpected, accidental, perfect._

_I was soaring above reality and I didnt pull away like I should have. N didnt seem to mind though._

_We both looked at each other, breathless. I laughed shyly and looked away from the intensity of his gaze. Things werent simple anymore but it was alright for now._

Musha nudged me as I looked around the empty ferris wheel. Only me and my pokemon. Was this what I had wanted?

I would give anything to be with N again. To feel his touch. To hear his voice.

**

I wish my life could rotate backwards, finding you in the past.

**


End file.
